6 Reasons People Cheat

6 Reasons People Cheat

Shit happens unfortunately. But there’s normally two main reasons it boils down to. The first one being the person is unhappy in their current relationship and therefore wants to find happiness elsewhere even if it’s just for one night.

The second reason is normally a bit deeper into the mind of the said person. It might have something to do with them and the way they are. As the saying goes ‘once a cheater always a cheater’.

I have made of a list of the most common factors to make a difference on whether one would cheat or not:

  1. Lack of sexual satisfaction in relationship. This has been known to be the most common factor. Most women and men who enter into affairs are looking to improve their sex lives. They may enjoy other activities together but whatever it is sex doesn’t seem to be working.
  2. Desire for additional sexual encounters. People may not necessarily put this down as a reason as it’s socially undesirable to admit it. For example people may feel they need to be rewarded more for their work at their job through more sex.
  3. Lack of emotional satisfaction in relationship. Emotional intimacy can be as important of a factor as physical intimacy. People tend to admit that in their affairs they were getting more emotional closeness than from their original partners.
  4. Lack of appreciation. Being appreciated is also key in the emotional connection towards your partner. As partners grow apart they may fail to acknowledge the needs that both have in the relationship.
  5. Falling in love with someone else. However love is quite difficult to define. What most people feel that leads them astray from their partner is sexual and emotional intimacy.
  6. You’re wanting to seek revenge. If the relationship is already suffering a partner may be wanting to cause hurt to the other for whatever the reason is. For example if one partner has already admitted to cheating you will be more likely to cheat as well.

 

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Whether it’s a one night-stand or a long term affair, cheating involves a mix of emotions and reasons for it to happen. Another reason that did appear in my research was that people are wanting to experiment and are curious about new experiences. However some couples experiment and still have their marriages intact. It all depends on the individual themselves.

Grace x

 

 

 

A Day in the Life of an Anxious Person at Work

A Day in the Life of an Anxious Person at Work

First of all you wake up before alarm really needing the toilet.

You spend a bit of time wondering whether you can hold it and go back to sleep or whether you need to get up.

You check the time on your phone and you’re scared the light coming from your screen will wake you up properly so you can’t fall back asleep.

You see it’s 5.30 in the morning so you decide to empty your bladder.

Unfortunately you don’t properly fall back asleep as you’re scared you’ll oversleep. You spend the next few hours thinking of all you have to do today.

Finally your alarm goes off so you get up slightly tired after already being up for 3 hours.

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You feel nauseous and don’t feel like eating much but you know if you don’t you will end up feeling faint at work.

You end up spending a bit of time deciding what the worst scenario would be and decide to eat a small bowl of cereal.

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You get a text from your manager saying he’s not feeling very well and will not be in for work but the new guy will be working with you instead.

Not only have you never worked with them but you don’t even know what they look like. They also have the keys to the store so you have to wait outside the store waiting for Mr Unknown.

Whilst standing outside the store you are worried that people are judging you as either being an eager customer or a generally lost individual.

Because it is the new guy you are working with not only do you have to remember how to do your job, you also have to babysit someone else.

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He finally arrives and you’re worried he’s going to judge you for the fact you look 15, or the fact you have short hair or anything else for that matter.

You’re wondering whether your breath still stinks of the coffee you had before you left the house.

You continue to talk whilst there are no customers in store. You worry for making a fool out of yourself as a first impression. You’re scared you’ll be too open.

Or not open enough.

You’re scared that you’re going to talk too much and not let anyone else talk.

You drink quite a bit of water and have a small bladder. You’re scared your colleague is going to think you pee too much.

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You’re worried that he’s going to think you eat too much.

You consistently look at your phone for texts, emails, unopened notifications; it irritates you having them open on your phone.

You’re worried it will look like you spend too much time on your phone.

You’re scared you’ll mention your boyfriend too much in the conversation.

You spend the day hoping no customers want you to call their networks or insurance companies. You also hope no errors come up on the system otherwise you have to call IT; you never understand what they are saying.

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You generally hope you don’t have to call or answer to any strangers on the phone.

Everyone keeps showing on social media how they are getting their degrees at university and you’re stuck at home, with your parents.

Instead of going out to have a drink after work like what some people do, you decide to take the half empty bottle of Absolute vodka and make yourself some homemade double vodka and cokes.

Your boyfriend works night shifts so you try to stay up for when he finishes.

You worry about him this tends to keep you up till you know he’s save at home. If he finishes really late you fall asleep before then but are then up super early to check for any texts from the night before.

Then you sleep as much as you can till the next day.

Grace x

 

 

 

FoMO: A Contemporary Anxiety

FoMO: A Contemporary Anxiety

FoMO, also known as Fear of Missing out, is anxiety that an exciting or interesting event may currently be happening elsewhere, often aroused by posts seen on a social media website.

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It’s the fear that other people are having more exciting and more rewarding experiences than you whilst you’re home alone watching rom coms. We’ve all experienced it at some point – suddenly you look on Facebook and all your high school mates are ‘reunited’ without you. Maybe they forgot about you, maybe they thought you had a brilliant social life and so would assume you’re busy. Yeah, you wish.

It’s a modern day obsessed with communication syndrome. It has only become apparent in the last couple of years as before websites such as Twitter or Facebook, you didn’t feel the need to tell everyone what you were doing. Now you haven’t had fun if the pictures aren’t plastered over Facebook. Nowadays people feel obliged to let everyone know they have a social life.

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I work in a phone shop and the other day a woman came in asking how she checks into places on Facebook. Like when people put up status’ saying “Out having lunch with my girl in Nandos”. The said woman thought it worked automatically and was wondering why Facebook wasn’t immediately telling everyone where she was. She said “That’s a pain, I like people knowing that I have a social life”. I felt like telling this woman that no one cared about her social life, unfortunately that kind of goes against the rule of retail.

Why do we care so much about other people acknowledging what we are doing? This wouldn’t have happened in times before texts, calls and social media. You wouldn’t send a letter telling someone you were getting “absolutely hammered” at some party would you?

The thing is, after a few days have passed it doesn’t matter. A week has gone by and no one cares that you kissed some girl at that party, it was great at the time but the people who weren’t there don’t really care about the event. It’s liked being told a funny story. Sometimes you really do just have to be there.

The problem with FoMO is that it doesn’t matter how busy, ill or tired you are. If you’re invited to a party or gathering you feel obliged to go. The real advice here would be, stop living your lives for the sake of other people’s perceptions. We won’t recollect our lives from the pictures tagged on Facebook, more important will be the memories and emotions that we gain along the way and truly cherish.

Grace x

 

 

Is it Possible to fall in Love with Your Best Friend?

Is it Possible to fall in Love with Your Best Friend?

Short answer is yes.

For this question I shall be discussing what it’s like for any heterosexual person who has a close friend of the opposite sex, as it’s the situation I’ve experienced the most. Unfortunately it doesn’t matter whether consciously you find the other person attractive or not, after getting to know someone and all their deepest, darkest secrets feelings tend to appear. Sometimes without you realising.

An example is when boys don’t like their girlfriends having close male friends. You can still think romantic feelings about someone without being physically attracted to them. You can still enjoy spending an entire day with someone without thinking about having sex with them at the end of the day. And that’s friendships in a nutshell; enjoying company of another person and not needing the intimacy.

However, it’s not necessarily the amount of time you spend with them that makes you gain feelings. It could be as simple as talking to them every day for a period of time. You are able to talk about anything and everything. When you’re down they are there for you, telling you it’s going to be ok. Maybe you mistake that care for something more? Or maybe it becomes something more eventually?

Everyone always says “Dating your best friend in the best thing in the world”. Of course, why wouldn’t it be? If you’re dating the one person who knows you better than you know yourself; that’s a bond nothing can beat. Although everyone has a boyfriend/girlfriend and then their best friend.

Sometimes if you’ve had an argument with your significant other than you go and vent to your best friend. Which is fine, everyone does it. But when that best friend is of the opposite sex, it can cause problems.

Another thing you have to think about is physical attraction towards another person can change over time. In some cases as you get to know someone better you become more physically attracted to them. You can date someone due to their looks and then have their personality grow on you but it can happen the other way as well. You can date someone due to their personality and have their looks grow on you too.

All in all you might not find your best friend attractive but if you connect and can have a lengthy conversation with them; you have a chance of falling in love with them.

Grace x

Does Love Really Exist?

Does Love Really Exist?

As humans our main aim in life is to find someone we love and spend the rest of our time with them. But what is it you should be feeling? How do you know you’ve felt it?

According to psychologists there are two types of love; passionate and companiate. Passionate love tends to be rich in dopamine, all hot and full of lust. This however tends to calm down after 6 months. Almost like the honeymoon phase of love and suddenly you look over at your partner and realise all their flaws.

Companiate love grows over a long time and has little to do with dopamine but more to do with security and trust. You don’t necessarily get a huge rush of feelings for this certain type, but whether it be a person, job or house, if it were to be taken away from you, you’d probably get a bit upset. This makes them become part of your life rather than just an activity.

It’s ironic really how divorces are lower in arranged marriages. They aren’t told how love is meant to be and just to experience it however they like.  They tend to be happier than those in marriages where they had a choice of who it was. With Western cultures they are more interested in individual satisfaction whereas non western cultures care more about satisfaction of group based goals. Basically these marriages are working better because people are being less selfish.

Our culture has decided that the way love works is to be everlasting passion. Think of all the rom coms and stories where the couple have known each other 5 minutes and already saying ‘I love you’. And they live happily ever after, even though according to science that passion will only last 6 months.

And don’t get me started on the fact that in today’s society sending a message is easier than talking about your feelings face-to-face. Next thing you’ll know people will be proposing over text. Today’s technology seems to ruin the excitement of relationships.

Grace x

What Makes you a Basic White B*tch?

What Makes you a Basic White B*tch?

According to urban dictionary a basic white bitch (BWB) is a white girl who loves uggs, Starbucks, selfies, iPhones, leggings, Instagram, heart emojis and flipping their thin hair.

You might already know you are a BWB but if not check and see what points you consider true. Here are some things you would do if you were a BWB. If you do any of the things below you probably aren’t a BWB. However if you do more than one then I would watch out:

  1. You love Starbucks, as much or more than your least favourite family member. You have a complicated order and wait all year round for those pumpkin spiced lattes. You also Instagram every complicated order you have #Starbucks.
  2. You love Pretty Little Liars. As well as shows like Vampire Diaries, One Tree Hill and Gossip Girl. You binge watch this shows filled with romance, secrets and murder.
  3. You quote Mean Girls like a boss. It’s second nature for you to blurt out lines in appropriate situations such as “She doesn’t even go here” and “We Wear pink on Wednesdays”
  4. You love being tan. You give yourself a darker complexion, unfortunately people can still tell it’s a white woman under all that bronzer.
  5. You love Nutella. I don’t need to explain this one.
  6. You love Uggs. Whether the weather can handle your Uggs you wear them anyway. In the eyes of a BWB there is no wrong way to wear them.
  7. Drake is your favourite rapper. After all your twitter bios include some of his lyrics.
  8. You treat your iPhone like it’s a baby. Making sure it has the perfect case on it and god forbid if you dropped it.
  9. You think you can twerk. However most white girls copy their idol Miley Cyrus. Although similar to Miley most white girls don’t have an arse.
  10. You say “Literally, can’t even” all the time. This also happens to be the phrase people say when trying to impersonate a BWB. It’s the way you deal with any emotions, you just can’t even.

 

Grace x

 

How to Move on from Emotional Pain

How to Move on from Emotional Pain

The only way to accept joy and happiness is to empty your heart with any hurt or pain from the past. You can’t let people who have emotionally hurt you fill up your life forever.

So here are a few tips on how to move on:

  1. You have to make the commitment of letting things go, it won’t happen on its own. If you don’t make this conscious decision than you will continue reliving the past until you make the choice of moving on.
  2. Express the pain you feel. Whether that’s directly to the certain person or whether you speak to a friend or write it in a journal. You have to get it out your system and this will also help with understanding specifically what hurt you. You must also accept your responsibility in the situation. It may appear like none of it was your fault but see if there was anything you could have done to stop this from happening. This will also help if a similar situation were to come up in the future.
  3. Stop being the victim. Yes you’re special and your feelings matter but unfortunately the world doesn’t hugely care about your problems. Remember everyone has their own problems, it’s called life. Rather than dwelling on the negatives make the choice to focus on the positives that have come out of the situation, even when it feels like there’s none.
  4. Focus on the present. There is no need to constantly think back to the past for you don’t live there anymore. You can’t undo the past but what you can do is to think about today and all the promises you have to live for. If you crowd your brain with past hurt emotions and memories there is no room for the new happiness in the present day.
  5. Last thing forgive them. You don’t necessarily forget about their behaviours that caused you this pain. But everyone deserves forgiveness. Forgiveness is not a weakness it is merely showing them that you are a good person and just want to be able to move on from the past.

 

Moving on from past events can be hard and it’s not a quick process either, but the sooner you start to change the way you think the better life will seem.

 

Grace x