We Spend Years In Education, Yet No One Teaches Us To Love Ourselves.

We Spend Years In Education, Yet No One Teaches Us To Love Ourselves.

Over the last couple years I have learned a lot about self-judgement. There is no point being your own bully because there are enough people in this world to volunteer for that position.

Having low self-esteem or self-confidence can cause constant feelings of anxiety and misery. Constantly comparing yourself to others and wishing you could be, prettier, smarter or funnier. It gets exhausting continuously trying to better yourself. And at the end of the day we still hate ourselves.

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Considering we spend a majority of our childhood and teenage years in education you would think schools would be able to teach us about emotional well-being. However education is normally defined as learning relevant skills and knowledge towards a certain profession. So in that case emotional health being taught by teachers wouldn’t make much sense.

On the other hand if education is defined as equipping students with the knowledge and skills to help them out with their adult life in general, emotional well-being could be necessary.

Emotions are also key in learning. If you’re not happy, you’re not motivated. And if you’re not motivated then you won’t bother with paying attention and taking in any information in the first place. Another factor to keep in mind is that high levels of stress will decrease the student’s ability to learn. Low self-esteem can sometimes cause stress and vice versa. Being taught about emotional well-being would give us the ability to manage stress more effectively.

It’s all well and good going around telling people children should be taught about emotional well-being but some schools just don’t have the facilities or funds to do so. Another thing to bear in mind is timing. Teachers struggle going into depth about topics they are having to teach, yet alone trying to teach children and young teens about how their emotions work.

When we say we hate ourselves, do we actually hate ourselves?

We become more vicious when it comes to ourselves because it’s a coping mechanism. We continue to believe we don’t deserve to be loved or appreciated. The biggest villain of all of this is the feeling of inadequacy, the feeling of not being good enough.

The problem with low self-esteem is that not only does it make one feel terrible the majority of the time, but research has also shown that those who have low self-esteem are more likely to have poorer mental and physical health, less chances of achieving success and more frequent tendencies of committing crimes compared to those with high self-esteem.

Imagine if schools started teaching emotional health, how many people would be able to appreciate life? How many would be able to achieve what they want to achieve? And the fact the amount of crime could possibly be decreased as well.

Teaching children early how to take care of themselves emotionally could save a lot of sadness and anxiety.

Gracie x

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Why Are We So Obsessed With Labels?

Why Are We So Obsessed With Labels?

No I don’t mean designer labels, that’s a completely different blog post.

Labels are used for other people to recognise you with, whether you want one or not you will be labelled. This can be the case whether you are labelled because of a mental illness, a choice in sexuality or gender or because of your personality.

As humans we like to split people up into their own stereotypes or classifications  due top the labels being used. We have all done it at some stage and maybe we need to learn how to be less judgemental.

Sometimes people label others because it makes them feel superior in some way. Especially if the labels are having a negative effect on the person who has to hear them. This kind of thing is what starts bullying.

People feel a sense of fear related to things they don’t quite understand. Whether that be an unknown mental illness, a race, a sexuality or how some people act. Whatever it happens to be that is different, that scares us so to make us feel better, we label it. In reality labels are there to make the unknown a little less frightening.

We are in a society where we are constantly told to “Be Yourself” yet we continuously try to conform to all these labels. It’s ironic that we are always stating that our race, sexuality or gender doesn’t define who we are, yet as soon as we show a “flaw” we blame it on our labels. “Oh, sorry for being so emotional. That’s what happens when your star sign is Cancer.”

Why are we so obsessed with being perfect?

One of my pet hates is when people do one minor thing unlike “normal” behaviour and then say “Oh, I’m probably a bit OCD” or “Yeah I probably have ADHD or something”.

No. If you really thought you had any of these behavioural or mental difficulties you would have seen someone about it and got a proper diagnosis.

It’s even worse when parents excuse their child’s naughty behaviour because they throw whatever label works at the time. I’m not talking about those who have actually been diagnosed with something, I’m talking about those parents in denial about their child’s behaviour. Sorry to disappoint but your child is just a pain in the arse and needs to be disciplined.

If you have been diagnosed with something or associate yourself with a different gender or sexuality don’t feel people have to treat you differently because of it. If someone is treating you with a lack of respect, let them know you dislike it.

Gracie x

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The Different Kinds of Toxic People

The Different Kinds of Toxic People

Unfortunately there are people in this world who grow up constantly being that bully on the school playground. However that bully at school will, at the most, give you a few bruises or spread some lies about you round your class mates. Whereas the toxic people you meet later on in life can really break you.

They will harass and control you. This unnecessary stress can cause some problems later on in life. Those who are in a relationship with a toxic person tend to spend their time bending and changing to make the relationship work with the other person.

In cases like these the victim hasn’t “allowed” anything to happen. Toxic people are toxic by nature and the victim couldn’t have done anything to stop, prevent or know it was going to happen. Here are a few kinds of toxic people and the behaviour to look out for.

The Egotist:

Those who are full of themselves believe they are better, even superior, than everyone else. Being with someone who treats you with a lack of respect will ruin your personal development. Arrogant people will just intimidate and annoy you.

The Envious:

When you have made a victory they would much rather be part of your success than be with you. Though they may seem happy about your achievement, they will have a hidden resentment. You want to have supporters for your low and high times, however this kind of toxic person will never be happy for you. Ever.

The Pretentious:

They only tend to stay with you when it suits them. As soon as you need any kind of help they will vanish. They can’t be relied on and due to this, your relationship will have certain boundaries.

The Reverse:

These type of people tend to make you take a step backward than any forward. They ruin any kind of progress and make you go back to your habits from before. They want you to be the same person you were. This type of toxic person can sometimes be hard to pin point. But just remember to always focus on what you want for the future, no matter what anyone else thinks.

The Judgemental:

They will criticise you for every little thing you do rather than appreciate what you have done right. They aren’t good listeners. You could take the time to explain what it is you are trying to achieve and none of it will be taken in. Trying to ignore their negative talk will help.

The Controller:

They are control freaks. They are also quite sly and will manipulate you to fulfil their desires. This kind of toxic person can also be a terrible listener as they believe they know everything and know what’s good for everyone and so won’t bother. These ones are quite hard to change and so might as well leave when you can.

The Liar:

Everyone lies and lies are common. However if someone is constantly lying, it get’s to the point where you don’t know whether you can trust them anymore. You can’t trust liars and it is hard to count on them because you can never tell if they are being honest or not.

The Gossiper:

These insecure people will twist facts and information. They may be doing this kind of behaviour to fit in or to get attention. These people are cancerous and cause more problems than what it is worth to have them in your life.

The Parasite:

These negative people will drain you of all your positive energy. They thrive on everyone around them being down. They tend not to be supportive in anything you do and will point out where you can fail. Their intentions are based purely on their self-interest.

The Victim:

The victim will never take responsibility for anything and will constantly blame others for their actions and mistakes. This finger-pointing can cause a domino effect when it comes to the blame game.

There is your list of the toxic people you may meet in your life. You can have toxic people anywhere in life, such as a relationship, friendship or work colleagues. One person could even be a mixture of those names above.

Some of these toxic people are a lot worse than others but even way you should avoid people with any of these characteristics.

Gracie x

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My Letter to America’s New President

My Letter to America’s New President

Dear Donald John Trump (Drumpf),

Firstly your parents must hate you because that is a mouthful to say. I mean your father did only give you a small loan of a million dollars, if he really loved you he probably would have given you more.

However I’m not discussing your daddy issues or the fact you had to work your way up the ladder today. I’m congratulating you on winning the US election, because in all honesty I don’t know how you did it.

I mean America didn’t have an easy choice. This years election was a bit like the difference between HIV or AIDS. You’re screwed either way.

Some of your supporters said they voted for you because you tell the truth. And I’m not disagreeing with that statement, you are quite honest. A bit like when children have no filter in their brain and just say the first thing that comes out their mouth. But that’s cute on children.

However your honesty makes me uncomfortable. As a woman I am concerned and infuriated that you openly said that because you’re rich and famous means you can “grab them by the pussy” and it won’t matter.  Doesn’t matter whether you’re rich or not you can only grab someone by the genitalia with their consent.

It’s not okay that you discriminate large groups of people due to a small percentage of their followers. Whether this be due to their religion, race or sexuality.

There are always going to be bad apples. Because unfortunately we are not as perfect as you.

Are you expecting things to go back to the way they were? Back when the gay had to hide in fear? Back when people of any colour but white had to worry about getting attacked because they were openly hated? And are women expected to go back into the kitchen?

Problem is I really can’t cook, so don’t know what you expect me to do in the kitchen. And it’s difficult hiding when you’re this fabulous.

I’m not saying Hillary Clinton would have been any better of an option. As lovely as it would be for America to have a female president, she has her own flaws as well.

Good luck for the next 4 years. I hope your next spray tan is patchy.

Kind regards,

Someone who is glad Britain isn’t the only one who fucked up

Gracie x

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Why Being a Pessimist isn’t Too Bad

Why Being a Pessimist isn’t Too Bad

Pessimism is normally linked with negativity and gloom, however being a pessimist isn’t all that bad.

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You expect the worst from people and situations so when anything terrible happens, you were expecting it anyway. It also means when something good happen it’s a bonus. It becomes more exciting as you were not anticipating it. Most of the time we are more realistic and logical than all those optimists.

Research has also shown that having a ‘darker’ outlook on life can be better on your health. Scientists have found that having low expectations on a ‘satisfying life’ can lead to healthier lives. This is due to the fact if you’re pessimist about the future you are more likely to live more carefully, taking health and safety precautions.

When pessimists are having a down day or are feeling blue the one thing they don’t want to hear is “It’s going to be okay”. Positive thinking in their eyes doesn’t exist. Just because someone has had a worst day than them doesn’t mean their feelings are any less worthy of recognition. We just want to be able to feel how we want to feel so we can regroup ourselves and move on.

In some cases though it can mentally prepare yourself for a difficult scenario that may arise. We set lower expectations so that when something does go wrong, we’re ready for it.

Even though being a pessimist can be good and prepare you for terrible disasters, don’t let it take over your life. You don’t want to be wasting your energy worrying about every little thing. Only on things that are important. And if something small does go wrong; clean up the mess and move on.

Another thing when you are struggling with something, especially a stressful situation don’t get advice from someone who is a positive thinker. Researchers have found that pressuring a defensive pessimist into looking at the bright side causes the opposite to happen

“The nice thing about pessimism is that you are constantly either being proven right or pleasantly surprised”

Gracie x

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