Why Do We Need Underwear That Prevents Sexual Assault?

Why Do We Need Underwear That Prevents Sexual Assault?

There’s this video that has been all over social media recently that shows this new underwear, a company has made, that will apparently prevent anyone from sexually assaulting you. If you haven’t seen it yet here it is.

I think it’s great that we now have things in place to prevent situations, such as rape, however I do have one question.

Why don’t we just stop people committing such crimes in the first place?

The message I got from this video is “if you wear this underwear you should have no need to complain”. Why are the victims made to wear some protective armour over their crotch just because some people have no control over their behaviours?

The problem with producing clothing that prevents rape and sexual assault is that it teaches society that it is the victim’s responsibility to avoid rape rather than blaming the rapists themselves. I don’t know about anyone else but I want to feel safe and comfortable in my own clothes and not have to worry about some vagina locking underwear.

The company’s tagline they use to try to get you to buy their product is “A clothing line offering wearable protection for when things go wrong”.

Firstly, this sentence is describing  rape almost like an everyday accident. Spilling coffee on my trousers is what I’d describe as “things going wrong”. Rape is something I wouldn’t even wish on my worst enemy’s life.

Also after watching the video I’ve noticed how tight and uncomfortable the underwear looks. Why should we have to suffer discomfort just because some people can’t keep it in their pants?

The product itself also isn’t the most helpful as it is only designed for women and girls and although the majority of rape or sexual assault cases are done to women, unfortunately men suffer too.

One of the features of this underwear that make it preventive of rape is that there is a lock on the waist band that you assign a combination to and open or close it, almost like a locker. Knowing me I’d forget my combination and would be stuck in the underwear.

All in all whilst I think it’s a good idea and possibly a useful product I still think society should stop blaming victims. It’s why a lot of rape or sexual assault cases go about unresolved because victims leave the situation thinking “it was my fault anyway”.

I think children at a young age should be taught how to respect one another and then we wouldn’t even need the underwear.

Gracie x

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Is Being Unhappy A Choice?

Is Being Unhappy A Choice?

I try to be a happy person most of the time, however like some I have my down days where I feel emotionally drained and unmotivated to do anything. These days where I feel my worst are also the days I just want to curl up into a little ball and cry.

Is it the fact I am constantly reminding myself that I feel miserable by trying to find this “happiness” that causes my unhappiness?

Happiness is quite a difficult thing to measure and therefore it is hard to become something when the definition is very vague.

Another thing that tends to cause unhappiness is self-worth. Self-worth is basically how much someone thinks they are worth as a person. Obviously the lower your self-worth is the more unhappy you tend to be. If you constantly compare yourself to others who are around you and see yourself as all of your imperfections, then yes you may feel sad from time to time.

The assumption of human behaviour is that people go out to seek pleasure and avoid pain, evolutionary it is how we have been designed. However there are people out there who will use absolutely anything as an excuse to be unhappy. Sometimes what happens is people are almost competing against one another on “Who Has The Shittest Life?”

Is it because people enjoy feeling unhappy or that they are scared to feel joy?

Psychologists have found that some people who tend to enjoy watching horror films also tend to be happy when they are unhappy.

Happiness is complicated and people find it in different situations. In difficult situations optimists can still find a way to feel happy about what is going on and some will always be unhappy despite having everything in front of them.

In some cases happiness can be a choice as we choose our reactions, behaviours and how things impact us. But unfortunately there are many people who suffer from mental health problems, which decide to control our feelings. People don’t choose to be depressed or anxious, it just so happens they are.

Gracie x

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Is Being Attractive Overrated?

Is Being Attractive Overrated?

When I was in my early teens, and was attending an all girls school, a lot of my year were obsessing over boys and wanting a boyfriend, as you’d expect. The advice I used to get from my peers is that to get a boy’s attention I needed to look attractive, to wear makeup, wear pretty clothes and reveal some cleavage to distract them from your ugly face.

Unfortunately for me I had terrible acne that no amount of makeup could hide and I had the same size boobs as an average eleven year old till I was about sixteen. I constantly went home after school and would search the internet for remedies of how to get rid of acne and porn star boobs over night.

From about the age of fourteen I had seen girls in my year getting boy after boy and the rest of us waiting for someone to take notice. I saw those girls as being attractive, they either had a good-looking face or a well proportioned body. Or both if they were lucky.

I had a couple of boys take interest in me whilst at school and I would leap into their arms because I didn’t think I could get anything else. But like most meaningless relationships they tended to end after a few months.

The only other thing that got boy’s attention besides being attractive was to be the “cool chick”. What I mean by that is that you were up for everything and anything. This often meant doing things that were outside of my comfort zone.

I was never one of those girls that would make guys stare as I walked past. So I tried being a “cool chick” because I thought it was my only option to stand out. To make guys go “Wow, she’s pretty cool”.

To cut a long story short, it doesn’t work. You end up doing things you’re not necessarily into just because you’re scared of someone leaving you. You end up creating the wrong kind of attention. And it still causes meaningless relationships.

I had this negative mind-set of feeling unattractive. Until I started college.

When I was sixteen I had my school prom and in order to fit into my dress I had to lose a bit of weight after stress eating for GCSEs. When  I started college in September my body was used to not eating and this weight kept coming off. My acne had also calmed down at this point and I felt attractive for the first time since the beginning of my teens.

I had people tell me how pretty I was and how they wished they had my body. Deep down I knew I wasn’t just skinny, I was underweight. But I was getting the attention that I had always wanted. I didn’t want to change what I was doing otherwise I’d put on weight and become unattractive again.

And then I met my boyfriend.

The first few months of our relationship involved him telling me to eat and saying that it wouldn’t matter if I put on weight. Slowly but surely all the weight I had lost I put back on, thanks to free pizza.

That brings us to today. My boyfriend and I have been together over two years, I’m still at a reasonable weight, I don’t particularly get acne anymore and I can’t be bothered with makeup. Also I have now gained my dream set of porn star boobs.

In answer to the question of this blog post, it is overrated. I spent so much of my time trying to better myself where it wasn’t needed. When you find the right person they will find you attractive even if you don’t think so yourself. I still have days where I look in the mirror and wish I was better looking some how but for the most part I’d say anyone is lucky to be with me.

Gracie x

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Maybe Your Comfort Zone Isn’t So Comfortable.

Maybe Your Comfort Zone Isn’t So Comfortable.

Most people aren’t where they want to be in life because of their comfort zone.

Your comfort zone is this little bubble, where life is bliss and easy. You’ve made yourself at home in this comfort zone, you’ve got a bed, bean bag, blankets, things that make it comfortable.

Obviously otherwise it would have been called the uncomfortable zone.

It’s easy to live a repetitive life, to carry on what you are doing. You stay doing what causes the least friction in your life. Staying in your comfort zone won’t necessarily make your life miserable but you just won’t achieve any progress, making your life dull.

If you aren’t willing to take risks you will never know how things are going to work out. We end up finding what our true self is by taking risks and doing something that may scare you. Every so often do something you wouldn’t normally do and if it doesn’t work out at least you can say you tried.

“Don’t follow well-lit paths, grab a machete and hack your own”. You will learn and experience more things if you move away from the comfort zone. Don’t become a sheep and follow what the rest of the flock is doing. Do something that makes you stand out.

When faced with difficulties or obstacles people tend to postpone their goals because they don’t face the challenge head on. The comfort zone can stop you achieving your dreams. Being brave enough to overcome these problems will be a step out of the comfort zone and onto further success.

Some people enjoy routines, they are warm and cosy like an old pair of slippers. But after a while of this same routine, the excitement of your life is gone, and you end up turning into some who is bored, lazy and content.

It may be satisfying having a routine but you are preventing from anything new in your life. You end up wasting time and turning down opportunities because you think you don’t need them.

The unknown may be terrifying for some of us to even think about but it is where dreams are made. You can stay in your comfort zone and wish for a better life.

Or go out and make it a better life.

Gracie x

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Having Low Self-Esteem Can Be Confusing.

Having Low Self-Esteem Can Be Confusing.

I would consider myself to have low self-esteem because there are days, I am the worse human being in the world and I can’t do anything right. There are days where my best isn’t good enough and I’m a failure.

But then there are days when I am queen and I’m the best out there. There are days where I think to myself “Of course my boyfriend loves me, I’m perfect”

And some days I continue to loathe myself but somehow think I’m better than most.

The problem there is no between and I can go from one feeling to the other within seconds. Little things throughout the day can either lift my mood or drag it down.

Low self-esteem nowadays is pretty common, mainly because of social media. No matter how many times they are told, teenagers and young adults see likes on a picture as equalling to how attractive you are as a person. So if your new profile picture on Facebook doesn’t get enough likes, you go around thinking you’re ugly.

As sad as it sounds, it’s how we think. It’s how we have been trained to think.

Self-esteem is a difficult thing to increase as we are always going to be our own worst critics. We all want to be the best versions of ourselves but there are constructive ways of doing it. We need to make an extra effort to be kinder to ourselves.

A way to try to higher your self-esteem is every so often ask yourself this question:

Would you treat your parents or best friend the way you treat yourself?

Here are a couple of other tips in helping higher your self-esteem:

  • Work out what is triggering your low self-esteem. Sometimes stressful events can cause a negative impact on ourselves. Instead of assuming you’ll fail, take it as an opportunity to learn and better yourself.
  • Get sober. Certain addictions can block learning and can genuinely make you feel down anyway.
  • Have an open mind. Instead of things being black and white, have a more “shades of grey” way of thinking. This will give you more options when things do go wrong.
  • Stop giving a fuck. Remember whatever happens, as long as you tried your best nobody can ask anymore of you.

 

Gracie x

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Your Kid Isn’t Special.

Your Kid Isn’t Special.

Some children are born with behavioural or learning difficulties, such as being on the autistic spectrum or having ADHD. The main obvious difference between these children and ‘normal’ children are generally the way they socialise with other people. They sometimes don’t understand body language or take words too literally. Certain children will show different characteristics, so it is difficult to define when someone has the different behavioural difficulties.

My younger sister who is 11, has APD (Auditory Processing Disorder) and SPD (Sensory Processing Disorder). All this means is that she processes things more difficulty than most children her age. For example if she isn’t focused on the person who is talking then she most likely wouldn’t have heard any of what they said. She also finds it kind hard to follow a list of instructions and it’s much better to just do one task at a time, otherwise nothing would get done. Academically she used to struggle quite a bit but as she has grown up she has got better. As you can imagine she suffers quite a bit with anxiety and get stressed out easily by things she is not used to or are not part of her normal routine.

I thought I would explain my situation at home so that those who continue to read this piece will understand I’m not just ranting for the sake of it, that I actually go through it on a daily basis.

Most parents that have a child who has a or more behavioural difficulty struggle on a daily basis. Getting your kid out of the door for school in the morning is like climbing a mountain some days. Your effort should be acknowledged more.

However, there is one flaw in your way of dealing with your children and their breakdown.

Stop calling your child special.

Calling your child special causes a couple of problems. First of all, your child has a behavioural difficulty but they aren’t stupid. The minute your child misbehaviours you use their problem as an excuse, they click onto this and will continue to get away with things other children would be disciplined for. For example, you tell your child to help clean the table of dishes after dinner with everyone else. They decide to plod around aimlessly or straight out won’t bother. Your child is behaving fine all through dinner until you decide they need to do something and then they have a ‘moment’, how convenient.

Another reason you shouldn’t call your child special, is because they already possibly feel like they don’t fit in, without you stating they are different day after day. It has also been shown that children who have parents who call them special are more likely to grow up and become narcissistic. This means they would be very much self-involved and would basically think they are the best of the best.

Final reason for not calling your child special, is if you have other children that don’t have behavioural difficulties they may feel left out. Children tend to get jealous when they have a sibling that gets all the attention, let alone if this sibling is somehow ‘special’. Just because they don’t have a label doesn’t make them any less adequate. Which is why you shouldn’t label these children with the difficulties as special as this makes the ‘normal’ children feel average.

I understand it’s difficult being a carer and there is no wrong or right way of bringing children up, but it is something to think about.

Gracie x

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