When I was in my early teens, and was attending an all girls school, a lot of my year were obsessing over boys and wanting a boyfriend, as you’d expect. The advice I used to get from my peers is that to get a boy’s attention I needed to look attractive, to wear makeup, wear pretty clothes and reveal some cleavage to distract them from your ugly face.

Unfortunately for me I had terrible acne that no amount of makeup could hide and I had the same size boobs as an average eleven year old till I was about sixteen. I constantly went home after school and would search the internet for remedies of how to get rid of acne and porn star boobs over night.

From about the age of fourteen I had seen girls in my year getting boy after boy and the rest of us waiting for someone to take notice. I saw those girls as being attractive, they either had a good-looking face or a well proportioned body. Or both if they were lucky.

I had a couple of boys take interest in me whilst at school and I would leap into their arms because I didn’t think I could get anything else. But like most meaningless relationships they tended to end after a few months.

The only other thing that got boy’s attention besides being attractive was to be the “cool chick”. What I mean by that is that you were up for everything and anything. This often meant doing things that were outside of my comfort zone.

I was never one of those girls that would make guys stare as I walked past. So I tried being a “cool chick” because I thought it was my only option to stand out. To make guys go “Wow, she’s pretty cool”.

To cut a long story short, it doesn’t work. You end up doing things you’re not necessarily into just because you’re scared of someone leaving you. You end up creating the wrong kind of attention. And it still causes meaningless relationships.

I had this negative mind-set of feeling unattractive. Until I started college.

When I was sixteen I had my school prom and in order to fit into my dress I had to lose a bit of weight after stress eating for GCSEs. When  I started college in September my body was used to not eating and this weight kept coming off. My acne had also calmed down at this point and I felt attractive for the first time since the beginning of my teens.

I had people tell me how pretty I was and how they wished they had my body. Deep down I knew I wasn’t just skinny, I was underweight. But I was getting the attention that I had always wanted. I didn’t want to change what I was doing otherwise I’d put on weight and become unattractive again.

And then I met my boyfriend.

The first few months of our relationship involved him telling me to eat and saying that it wouldn’t matter if I put on weight. Slowly but surely all the weight I had lost I put back on, thanks to free pizza.

That brings us to today. My boyfriend and I have been together over two years, I’m still at a reasonable weight, I don’t particularly get acne anymore and I can’t be bothered with makeup. Also I have now gained my dream set of porn star boobs.

In answer to the question of this blog post, it is overrated. I spent so much of my time trying to better myself where it wasn’t needed. When you find the right person they will find you attractive even if you don’t think so yourself. I still have days where I look in the mirror and wish I was better looking some how but for the most part I’d say anyone is lucky to be with me.

Grace x

 

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