Why We Don’t Date Anymore

Why We Don’t Date Anymore

When people say the word dating I think of; candlelit dinners in fancy restaurants or a romantic comedy in the cinema or even going bowling. I’d class those three events as possible date locations. Whatever it is the couple plan on doing as their date, I always believe a date involves you leaving your house.

The problem with the world we live in today, everything is so convenient. Whether it be a pizza from Domino’s or a book from Amazon, you can get it by just tapping your phone screen. And those candlelit dinners have turned into “Netflix and chilling” at someone’s house whilst ordering pizza.

Whilst some people would class that as a date, I wouldn’t. I always feel a date is something you do together with your partner that you can’t do by yourself, for example, bowling. However, watching Netflix half naked whilst eating pizza, I can do by myself.

To call this dating would insult previous generations’ version of dating. There was so much more precision and care put into dating beforehand. This was normally because there was so much more pressure to find Mr or Mrs Right, as divorce was highly frowned upon.

In all honesty, if someone’s idea of the first date was to invite me to their bedroom to watch Netflix, I would run. It shows that they only care about one thing if the first thought that goes through their mind is trying to get me into their bedroom.

This dating is so laid back, so teenagers and young adults will have the mindset that they are dating just to pass the time; for shits and giggles. When you should always think about whether there would be a future with the person you are dating. At the end of the day, we all have to settle down at some point.

Another thing that upsets me quite a bit is that teenagers are afraid of committing to a long-term relationship, yet they will commit to having sex with anyone who is up for it. I’d rather grow closer and more intimate with one person and have sex with them a bunch of times, than having sex with a bunch of different people. Sex isn’t a big deal and I’m not saying it’s the be all and end all. But I still wouldn’t want to have it with just anyone.

I did talk in a previous blog post about our generation being more narcissistic than previous generations. The problem is we are more egotistical and this is affecting our way of dating. Everyone seems to think they are the best causing them to wait till they find someone as perfect as them. We can all be arseholes sometimes.

I’ve even seen on social media before that people have agreed to go on a date with someone just for the free food and not the companionship. Yeah, it’s funny to laugh at, but if I was that guy I would be mad. You’ve wasted his time and money when he could have been on a date with someone who actually cared.

This change doesn’t bother me, as I know if I wanted a proper date all I would have to do is ask. It just upsets me that people are having sex with people they probably don’t even know. Besides discussing what to put on Netflix, they haven’t spoken two words.

Bring back the butterflies, cute dresses, and the candlelit dinners.

 

Society has Caused Women to Fear Men

Society has Caused Women to Fear Men

On average, the two sexes are fairly similar, besides actual biological and physical differences, there aren’t many differences between men and women. We all want the same things in life, to succeed and be happy.

However, women may not necessarily be the superior sex but we do have the power to utterly destroy a man’s life.

How? By spending the night out with a guy, having a couple drinks of an alcoholic beverage and ending the evening with sex. In the morning, you can state to the police that you were too drunk to give consent and that you were raped.

Even if they guy escapes prison, it would be very difficult to get a job as he would always be known as a possible rapist.

Society has made it a sad reality that women can lie about this kind of thing and then proceed to get away with it. I think it is disgusting, there are people out there struggling to tell their stories to the police. Whilst it is very rare for a woman to do this but the fact that we could do this and get away with it, is what scares me.

Whilst women have the power to destroy a man’s life, they do have to live in a constant state of awareness and fear when they are around new people or settings. Society has made it so that women feel unsafe in their environment.

Schrödinger’s rapist is a concept based off Schrödinger’s Cat. The main point of the theory is that when a woman first meets a man in an unfamiliar setting, they have to keep their mind open to all possibilities. The man they are with may or may not be a rapist, they won’t know this until the man starts sexual assaulting them. We don’t know what’s inside your head or what your intentions are, so you can’t expect us to trust you the first time meeting you.

The point of Schrödinger’s Cat is that the cat in the box has the possibility of being dead or alive. We don’t know because it is in the box and whilst we can calculate the probability of it being dead or alive, we won’t know for certain until the box is open.

It is the same when we meet a man for the first time. There will always be the possibility of him being a rapist. We continue to know more and collect information about the new acquaintance. This information doesn’t necessarily erase the uncertainty but it changes the odds. Until the box is open and this man commits a rape, we will never be able to know if he is a rapist or not.

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Personally, I don’t mean to live in a mindset that men are always out to harm me. I’ve grown up being taught that men are always out to harm me.

When I was younger, having close friends who were girls was absolutely fine. Yet, if I was ever friends with any boys or mentioned a boy’s name, all hell broke loose. Suddenly my parents wanted to know everything and there were all these rules. I had to be careful what I was wearing. How I was acting. I shouldn’t show too much cleavage or kiss on the first date.

I was always told that boys only thought about one thing and that they were all animals.

We have now all grown up to fear these animals. When in reality we are all the same.

The Friend Zone Doesn’t Exist

The Friend Zone Doesn’t Exist

For those who don’t know, the Friend Zone is where someone gets rejected as a romantic partner but the two people involved are still happily friends. However, the one who gets rejected continuously tries to get into the other persons’ pants. Or they continuously moan to their mates about being stuck in the “Friend Zone”.

The majority of people who tend to complain about the “Friend Zone” are “nice guys”, who are so nice to the point they are more like a brother to you than someone who you would be interested in.

However, one thing people fail to understand is that being nice to someone doesn’t mean that person owes you sex. Just because you are a decent human being for once in your life doesn’t mean you deserve a reward.

The way little children are disciplined is normally by giving them a reward for every time they are well-behaved. This is also what some adult males expect.

The Friend Zone lies in the same category as the saying, “Nice guys finish last”. These ‘Nice guys’ use this phrase and the “Friend Zone” as an excuse as to why they’re single. The reason these guys are single is normally because they are aiming way above about they can achieve. They think they are the bees’ knees. I mean there is a reason why Beyoncé is with Jay-Z.

People tend to look for their equal. No one wants to settle or constantly worry they aren’t good enough. Nice guys don’t finish last, they finish first in being an idiot.

I’m sure you’re very nice but you just won’t have anything in common with whoever has put you in the “Friend Zone”.

Also, if a hot girl rejects you for another guy, it doesn’t mean that all girls date dickheads. You are just upset by this girl’s choice in a partner because you wish it was you.

In all honesty, sometimes these “nice guys” aren’t even that nice.

 

 

Valentine’s Day is Pretty Pointless.

Valentine’s Day is Pretty Pointless.

When you’re younger you are taught that Valentine’s Day is this special day set aside for you and your other half to spend time together, spoiling one another. But as I’ve gotten older I’ve realised if the relationship is real enough you shouldn’t even need to celebrate Valentine’s Day.


On Valentine’s Day, back when I was single, I used to get depressed and feel lonely whenever I saw that people were enjoying themselves together and I was by myself. Couples would post pictures, whether that be selfies together or photos of gifts. But yesterday I realised if you’re having to take pictures you’re not really enjoying yourself, especially if it’s a picture of the gifts you got. That’s you basically saying “Hey, look my boyfriend/girlfriend is better than yours”.


In all honesty, people put things on social media for attention. The only reason I know that is because when I’m feeling down I put up a selfie on social media, I’m somewhat attractive to most and I’m guaranteed to get likes. Those likes make me feel better about myself.  If you’re with the one you love, why should you need any attention?


You’re spending so much time letting everyone on Facebook know you love your partner, that you’re not letting your partner know that you love them.


My boyfriend and I spent the day together but we didn’t post anything on social media, mainly because we are very lazy and couldn’t be bothered but also we didn’t care enough to put anything up. We don’t get a lot of time to spend together so we didn’t feel the need to waste that time planning Facebook and Instagram posts.


In terms of sales, companies up the price of flowers and fancy chocolates because apparently, that’s what makes a girl happy. You must dress up all fancy and book dinner reservations. You put so much pressure on the night going as planned. I can’t be bothered with dressing up fancy, I would much rather you tell me you ordered pizza and Netflix was on.


Overall, being single on Valentine’s Day doesn’t mean you are alone or lonely. Those in a relationship should treat each other the way they do on Valentine’s Day every day. And if you are going to buy gifts for your other half, do it about a week before and then you won’t be ripped off.


And for those who propose on Valentine’s Day, just please be more original.  


Grace x

 

I’m Not Choosing To Be Bisexual Because It Will Make Me Popular.

I’m Not Choosing To Be Bisexual Because It Will Make Me Popular.

Whilst the amount of people, who are unwilling to expect those who aren’t heterosexual has reduced, there still seems to be some confusion. People are still ignorant when it comes to the change and suggest that it is considered “cool” to be gay or bisexual. I also think it is unacceptable that those who aren’t straight have to let everyone know in an announcement known as “coming out”.

No one is choosing to be gay or bisexual because it looks cool or because it is the “in thing”. No one is choosing to be gay or bisexual, full stop.

Because it isn’t something that one chooses to be or not to be.

Yes, there are more people coming out and joining the gay community but that’s not because it has suddenly become popular. It is because more people are becoming open to the idea of others being gay or bisexual, making it a more comfortable experience for those who do decide to come out.

Now I am not saying that there are no homophobic people in the world because there still are. We will probably always have a problem with homophobic people, whether this be due to how people are bought up or those who are sceptical to change.

The reason people are ignorant is because they believe being gay is a choice. Religious people give out misinformation so that it can fit their agenda. I’m not religious so not 100% sure on this but I believe that most religions state that being gay or bisexual is a sin. Therefore, if people are told that being gay is a choice it makes us look like we have “naughty child syndrome”, rather than them being the control freaks.

Some people even suggest that bisexuality doesn’t exist, they assume someone is confused or is experimenting whilst they are single. They assume you can either be straight or gay and not both.

What a lot of people think is that bisexuality has an on/off switch, for example some people think I’d wake up one morning and choose to be a lesbian but the next morning I’d choose to be straight. However, that isn’t the case. You could at any moment want to become intimate with a male or a female. Most who define as bisexual tend to feel more feelings towards one sex than another and may be more gay than straight and vice versa.

Bisexuality is a confusing topic and even though there have been studies done that prove bisexuality, there is still a lot we don’t know yet. The researchers that conducted those studies gave images to the participants and the results showed that a certain number of them got aroused by both images of males and females, proving that bisexuality exists.

Sexuality is so complex and it doesn’t just involve you waking up and choosing what you want to be. That isn’t how sexuality works; there is straight, there is gay and then there are multiple sexualities in the middle. All of them exist and whatever someone defines as doesn’t make them any less of a person compared to someone else.

Riddle me this; if being gay is a choice when did you decide to be straight?

People use definitions to make sense of what is going on in their head. It is extremely comforting to know that a word exists to explain your situation.

You are bought up and continued to be taught what is socially acceptable. Little do you know the thoughts in your head are just as acceptable as anyone else’s.

Grace x

 

Are We More Self-Obsessed Than Previous Generations?

Are We More Self-Obsessed Than Previous Generations?

Recently, it has been going round social media that millennials, those who are born between the 1980s to early 2000s, are a lot more self-obsessed and narcissistic than previous generations.

We have become obsessed with our gadgets and our appearances and suddenly those likes on our selfies are made into a big deal. We were constantly told that we were “special” and that it wasn’t about winning but about taking part.

Narcissism is a personality type that is characterised as selfishness, an overblown view of one’s talents or looks and a craving for attention. Studies have shown that millennials have a higher self-esteem compared to previous generations. I’m assuming that this is due to posting up a selfie, getting a lot of likes, which in turn makes one feel better about themselves. Unfortunately I must be an exception as I still hate myself as much as anyone else.

Social media has created a lot of teenagers and young adults to believe that likes or comments equals how beautiful one is or how beautiful one is perceived as.

Assuming that we are more narcissistic than previous generations, it may be a defence mechanism. Nowadays, we have more of a struggle when it comes to getting into colleges, universities or jobs and receiving less privacy when it comes to the Internet. Maybe having an inflated sense of ourselves makes it easy to face said challenges.

The problem with the way we have been brought up is that we now see everyone as objects. The first thing you take in when you meet a person is whether they are considered attractive or not. And because of this we take what we need from that person and then leave, whether that be for companionship or sex. I find it quite difficult to fully trust people my own age because even if they want me as a friend now, once they find an upgraded version of me they’ll leave.

Fortunately for us, it’s not our fault.

Parents have been teaching their children that they are terrific and that they can succeed in absolutely everything. At the start of the 1980s parents and teachers were taught to build up the child’s self-esteem by frequent praise. This caused parents to constantly tell their children how smart or beautiful they were.

And maybe to some extent me believed them.

Grace x