I’m sure we’ve all had it. A bad relationship. We have to experience a terrible one to truly appreciate the good one. A bit like most things; you have to be given a badly made cup of tea to know what a good cup tastes like.

The relationship or relationships you had that ended, you don’t like to talk about them because you were always treated like something they found on the bottom of their shoe. But the pain, tears, and heartache can teach us something.

Think back to your first few relationships, think back to how you used to act and think. You probably used to be naïve, innocent and would always try to see the good in people no matter what the situation was. It would be a bit like if a judge on a murder trial went:

“Well, the defendant only wanted to beat the victim up and didn’t realise that the victim would end up dying. I believe the defendant, in this case, is innocent.”

It’s a stupid scenario but it makes sense when you think about it. As children, we are taught that besides strangers everyone will treat us how we’re supposed to be treated. We are taught about stranger danger but no one decided to teach us about the fact that most of the crimes that are committed are done by people who know their victim. Whether the crime is murder, rape or sexual assault it tends to be described as an act of passion, therefore meaning that the victim and criminal knew each other.

And, if you think about it everyone is a stranger, to begin with. Even those first few minutes after you’re born, your own mother is a stranger. Not for long obviously, after coming out of someone’s body you tend to become quite close.

Anyway, back to your first few relationships, you didn’t think anyone you knew could do anything horrible to you because it is only strangers who are the “bad people” of the world.

The problem with that is when you have a relationship with a person, you assume they care about you as well as themselves. Most of the time they do because the majority of the human race are not arseholes. However, there are and always will be people out there who don’t grow out of being the mean bully on the playground.

These people get you at your most vulnerable state, take what they can and run.

Bad relationships happen, but you learn. You learn how you should be treated. You learn how you should not be treated. You know what the warning signs are and you know when it is time to escape from a situation.

Grace Hemphill x