There are two fears that constantly appear over and over again when it comes to people in failing relationships.
The first one is the fear of abandonment. This is the overwhelming worry that anyone that gets close to you will leave. You become clingy, needy and demanding and will do anything to keep this person by your side. It can lead to toxic and unhealthy relationships as you are willing to do absolutely anything you are asked of, no matter what. You tend to have trust issues as you are insecure of yourself or your future. You may indirectly like the feeling of being controlled but ultimately you will always be jealous of other people’s relationships.
The second fear is the fear of engulfment. This is where you are afraid of being controlled and dominated. You want love but are afraid loving someone means “losing yourself” in the relationship. You feel constantly trapped and always need space from your partner.
In relationships, you can have either one or both of these fears simultaneously. In order to overcome these fears, we have to build up our self-reliance. Self-reliance is basically the ability to make decisions by yourself without the need of other people.
Once you are able to be aware of these fears existing, you are then able to work out what triggers them. Once you are self-aware, you will then be able to get to the point where these fears no longer affect you or your current relationship.
If you think you are feeling any of these in your relationship just remember that you can’t be rejected because your value isn’t dependent on other’s opinions of you. You can’t be engulfed or trapped because you have the power to set your own boundaries.
All these fears we have as adults tend to stem from our childhood. But we now have power over our own lives. We have the power to comfort the inner child in all of us and navigate the emotional territory that ignites us.
Grace Hemphill x