Break-Ups Aren’t Rocket Science

Relationships are the biggest part of our lives and when we are ancient and going through the memories of our lives, we aren’t going to be thinking about the little things. We won’t be thinking about our grades or our studies or how much chocolate we did or didn’t eat. We are going to be thinking about our relationships and wishing we did spend more time with the people we love. Whether your relationship is bad, good or great; no one likes breakups. No one likes losing a person that once spent so much time in your life.

There has been research and studies to show that breakups aren’t easy. However, there are things you can do to make it easier.

For example, delete your ex off any social media accounts. Whilst you may believe you are strong and thick skinned seeing them happy with other people isn’t going to make you feel any better. And if you really think you can’t control yourself, block them too. This will stop you typing their name in the search bars whilst you’re drunk at 1 in the morning. Again, it won’t do you any good.

Another thing would be to delete their number off your phone. To go a step further delete any message threads you may have. Basically, delete everything that may give you a chance to dial in their number. Unfortunately, if you have photographic or eidetic memory, I’m truly sorry as I have no advice for that. Is there a way of erasing memories possibly?

If you had been together a long time and know their schedule pretty well don’t purposely go out of your way to try and “bump into” them. It will come across as weird or creepy. And, what exactly do you think you’ll achieve by doing this? Because let’s be honest here, you’ll achieve nothing.

Whilst break-ups aren’t the easiest thing in the world, you can’t sit there crying yourself to sleep and feeling sorry for yourself if you aren’t doing anything about the situation to make it better. You are continue to purposely put yourself in situations that will cause more hurt then you are just asking for trouble.

Gracie x

My Book: “Letters to my Past”

Facebook: facebook.com/graciehemphill98

Twitter: @gracievhemphill

Instagram: @graciehemphill

Self-Confidence vs Narcissism

A few people get confused between the difference between being confident and being a narcissist and sometimes will see them as the same thing. However, you can have someone portraying narcissistic behaviours and not necessarily have high self-esteem. The same as you can have someone have high self-esteem and not be narcissistic.

One thing to note is that in both cases the person is thinking highly of themselves; the main difference is normally where the recognition is coming from. For example, having high self-esteem or confidence is due to how you feel about yourself. Your self-esteem will have ups and downs throughout your life depending on how you are feeling. However, narcissism comes from the praise you get from others.

Those with high self-esteem don’t necessarily believe they are perfect whereas, a narcissist’s aim is to be the best at absolutely everything so they will either believe they have no flaws or go to great efforts to hide them. Whilst narcissists come across as being content with who they are, they are most likely as insecure as those who low self-esteem.

Yes, you can love yourself. Yes, you can go around pointing out the things you like about yourself and your appearance. But don’t call yourself a narcissist because there is so much more involved. It wouldn’t be considered a personality disorder if those were the only symptoms because in reality there is nothing wrong with being confident with yourself. Narcissism is almost always based off having low self-esteem, therefore, just because someone seems happy with themselves does not necessarily they have any mental problems.

Narcissists are just con-artists. Whilst they can come across as if they are happy with themselves, they probably still go home hating themselves as much as you do.

The best way to describe a narcissist is that they absolutely hate themselves but still believe they are better than everyone else.

We live in a world where it is socially acceptable to travel around in a bubble of self-loathing so when someone comes across and believes they are perfect we have to give them a label.

Gracie x

My Book: “Letters to my Past”

Facebook: facebook.com/graciehemphill98

Twitter: @gracievhemphill

Instagram: @graciehemphill

Being Alone is Okay

I have never been a huge lover of other people. Some I can tolerate more than others but mostly I prefer to be by myself.

Before you ask, no I’m not sad by myself nor do I feel lonely by myself.

People assume that being alone is a negative thing or a problem that needs to be fixed. When in reality it isn’t even a problem in the first place. Whilst we need some social interaction, we also need some alone time.

When I say alone time I’m not talking about being lonely. Being alone and feeling lonely are two different things. Feeling alone is a positive mind set whilst feeling lonely is a negative one. Being lonely normally means you feel you need other people to fill a void in you.

For those who know me, I have been single for the last couple months now after being in a 2 and a half year relationship. It’s been great, for one I’ve had more money but also I have had more alone time. Break ups are never easy and I’m not saying I was able to walk away from it without a little pain but after all that time with someone always being there; it is peaceful to be alone. Some people find breakups more difficult than others and just because someone is able to move on quicker than others doesn’t mean they are a bad person or were never “in love”.

Being alone is seen as socially acceptable in certain circumstances; such as having a beverage in a coffee shop, going to the gym or travelling on public transport. But suddenly seen as not socially acceptable when you start going shopping by yourself or eating by yourself.

At the end of the day, I would rather be alone than surround myself with people who didn’t care about me or who made me feel down about myself.

If you have read up to this section of the post congratulations. For those of you who possibly care you may have noticed that this is the first blog post in about 2 weeks; read the previous blog post to work out why that is. I have also decided to maintain this blog I am only going to write once a week rather than three times. I will most likely be posting every Wednesday from now on, however, you can either read my past blog entries or get yourself a copy of my book if you miss me that much!

Gracie x

My Book: “Letters to my Past”

Facebook: facebook.com/graciehemphill98

Twitter: @gracievhemphill

Instagram: @graciehemphill

Writer’s Block Is A Bitch

I have been writing on my blog for nearly a year now. Over that time I have changed certain things I do; how often I write, what I write about, where I get my inspiration from. Etc. For example, when I first started I wanted to write every day and I did for a while. But I realised I wasn’t writing anything worth reading and I’d feel guilty every time I missed a day.

Now, I try to post at least three times a week; on a Monday, Wednesday and Friday evening. Most of the time I create three posts which I’m happy and I rarely struggle when it comes to content.

However, and I think I can say this on behalf of all creative people, there are days where it doesn’t matter what you do you don’t know what to create.

I can sit at my desk, hyped up on caffeine and be ready to write. Be motivated to get the majority of the work already done in that one evening. But your mind is empty; you either can’t think of anything to write or the topics you do think of aren’t worth filling up a page with.

And suddenly I think “oh shit am I about to go and work in the wrong industry?”. Because if I am struggling to write for my little online blog 3 times a week surely I would struggle with a full-time job in writing.

I realise that isn’t the case. Every writer gets writer’s block, it is more how you decide to move on from it. Normally, a lot of what I write about is topics that make me angry. As bad as it sounds I find it a lot easier to write about my opinion and it is easier to work out what my opinion is when something irritates me.

So sometimes if I can’t think of content it is most likely because nothing has made me mad. Which is good for me but bad for my blog. If I get a writer’s block one of the first things I do is come up with other ways to create content.

For example, today I am not angry. I am not upset. I am not emotional about anything. This selection of words is my uninterrupted brain flow. I don’t normally do this, just sit and write and see what my brain creates. I am normally organised and plan what I want to write.

Sometimes I get so annoyed at myself for not producing content that I have to walk away; whether that be a day, a few days or a week. I hate doing it but it is always the best thing for me.

Who knows maybe by the time this gets posted my writer’s block will have gone. And I don’t know why I am telling you any of this. As a blogger, I am allowed a life outside my online persona and sometimes that life can take over.

And this isn’t me saying sorry because I know I don’t have to be. This merely me allowing you to see inside my head. Well part of it anyway.

Gracie x

Facebook: facebook.com/graciehemphill98

Twitter: @gracievhemphill

Instagram: @graciehemphill

My book: “Letters to my Past”

Body Positivity Vs Body Honesty

As a society, we go around telling people that they should be happy and confident with their body shape no matter what. We have to go around telling fat and overweight people that they are beautiful and should be accepted for all their flaws.

And I think it is great and all that people can feel more comfortable in their skin. However, it would be the same if you went up to someone who had a bunch of scars down their arms and you told them that they are accepted and should feel comfortable self-harming.

Whilst it may not be physically noticeable at first being overweight or obese can cause a bunch of illnesses, including diabetes or heart disease. This means every time you tell a fat person it is okay to be fat, you are also telling them it is okay to die.

Not only do fat people lead a shorter life and they are seen as less attractive. So, anyone who is overweight, please tell me the benefits of you staying that way?

Whilst I’m talking about the overweight side of the scale I’m sure if someone was extremely skinny or anorexic, people would be worried about their health as well.

Bullying someone to lose weight is never an effective solution, however, I believe we should stop this fat acceptance movement as people will sit in their unhealthy bodies until it is too late. Yes, you can be skinny and unhealthy but you can never be fat and healthy so stop with the bullshit.

You don’t have to go on some fancy diet or do extreme amounts of exercise to lose weight. The main contributor to being overweight is normally portion sizes. It is most likely the case that the person is overeating and consuming more calories than they should be. You could technically eat MacDonald’s everyday and as long as you ate within your calorie allowance, you wouldn’t gain any weight.

I understand that not everyone is blessed with the perfect genetics or the most amazing body. And I also understand that some people find it more difficult to maintain a good weight. But we need to stop with this body acceptance bullshit.

Being overweight and obese is unhealthy. Simple as.

Gracie x

Facebook: facebook.com/graciehemphill98

Twitter: @gracievhemphill

Instagram: @graciehemphill

My book: “Letters to my Past”

Nobody Cares About You

One thing I have noticed in my life is that nobody really cares.

Compared to the universe we are a speck of dust. Whilst you may have close friends and family who take interest in various parts of your life, they don’t care about you as much as you think they do. While it may be harsh, unfortunately, the world doesn’t revolve around you.

A lot of people, including myself, struggle with the fear of failing. They struggle with anxiety and wondering what people will think of them. They are obsessed with other people’s approval and as a result, take that approval to equal their self-worth.

But, if no one truly cares, then it doesn’t matter if you fail or succeed in life. Because the only person who is affected by it is you and as cliché as it sounds, as long as you put the effort in it’s not your fault you failed.

Personally, I have avoided blog posts or the idea of writing a fictional novel because it looked difficult and therefore gave me a chance to fail. But my blog and any other writing I do is for my benefit. Yes, there are people who read my work. There are people who have commented positive things about it, there are also people who have commented not so positive things about it. But at the end of the day if I wasn’t happy with the content I wrote it wouldn’t have gone on the blog.

No one cares and no one remembers your mistakes. In actual fact, they are more likely to remember times when you have succeeded; as human beings are jealous creatures.

You may be thinking if no one cares why should I bother trying to succeed, after all, I only do it to impress people? Whatever goal you are working on currently make sure it is something that will make you happy rather than anyone else.

And if you mess up it doesn’t matter because no one cares. Neither should you.

Gracie x

Facebook: facebook.com/graciehemphill98

Twitter: @gracievhemphill

Instagram: @graciehemphill

My Book: “Letters to my Past”

“It could be worse…”

You don’t have to be grateful just because it could be worse.

No matter what you are going through there will always be someone out there who has it worse than you. That doesn’t make your situation any less relevant. It also doesn’t mean you’re not allowed to be unhappy just because you aren’t experiencing the worst situation ever. Whatever you are experiencing is just as valid as anyone else’s situation.

Same goes for trauma, some people assume that what happened to them doesn’t matter because it “could have been worse”. Whether it was physical, sexual or emotional abuse, whatever happened to you is as valid as what happened to the next person.

Telling people to be grateful “as things could be worse” is making the assumption that mental illnesses such as depression are down to one’s circumstances when it is caused by incorrect levels of certain chemicals in the brain.

Even if someone isn’t suffering from any mental illness and is just feeling down don’t force happiness onto them. It is extremely draining trying to be happy when you’re really not feeling it. People are allowed their down days.

Now, obviously if a loved one hasn’t left their bed in days then go help them out but if they are just feeling a little down in the dumps and they want their space, then give it to them.

More importantly what exactly qualifies someone to feel sad? You keep saying things could be worse but how worse do things need to be before someone is allowed to feel sad? It’s stupid really. Being sad and feeling down isn’t a competition. Whether something is happening in your life or you’re just feeling down, it is allowed no matter how much worse it could be.

That’s another thing. People can feel down or sad and not have a reason. They might just be having “one of those days” or genuinely can’t figure out why they feeling the way they are. Don’t continue to pester them they don’t need an explanation for their feelings.

Regardless of how far worse your life could be, remember your feelings are always valid.

Gracie x

Facebook: facebook.com/graciehemphill98

Twitter: @gracievhemphill

Instagram: @graciehemphill

My book: “Letters To My Past”