Review: 13 Reasons Why

Review: 13 Reasons Why

For those who haven’t yet seen “13 Reasons Why” and want to, I would click away now as I can’t promise that there will be any spoilers. Or if you do continue to read you can’t get mad at me for I did warn you.

“13 Reasons Why” is a 13 episode drama on Netflix about how Hannah Baker, a 17-year old girl, takes her own life. Before she died she recorded 13 audiotapes each one blaming her death on someone else and their actions.

I have quite a short attention span and so if a programme is going to have hour long episodes they have to be good, otherwise I get bored. “13 Reasons Why” definitely ticked that box.

When I choose to watch a programme, I want it to make me think. For example, in this case, the programme was about the 13 reasons why she wanted to kill herself. I’ve always wondered what it would have to take to push someone over the edge. People assume it is one traumatic experience and then you’re done. But this programme showed that it is normally a number of little things one after another. I’m sure if Hannah only experienced one or two of the reasons out of the 13 she wouldn’t have killed herself. I also believe if she had experienced all 13 reasons but over a longer space of time she may not have killed herself. I think the majority of people also believe that you have to be mentally ill before you even think about killing yourself. But even the happiest of people could kill themselves if put in the wrong situations.

It was a good, short programme and I don’t think giving it a second season would work. Would it then be called 26 reasons why? Or would we be shown another person’s list of reasons why they killed themselves? There is surely only so many reasons why one would kill themselves.

The tapes start off with Hannah saying that the reason that the person has the tapes is because they are one of the reasons that she killed herself. I believe if someone decides to kill themselves; it is their actions and therefore their fault. Whilst there may have been people in her life that treated her like shit to the point of pushing her to commit suicide, none of them walked up to her and gave her the razor blades themselves. It was all her doing.

Some of the reasons were typical secondary school drama, things that you experience whether you want to or not. Some of the reasons were not everyday problems and I think the mixture of the two would cause anyone grief.

This TV show also showed that sometimes the ones who you love can be the ones who hurt you the most. Clay was reason number 11 and after watching it I’m still not entirely sure he should have been a reason why. Out of everyone, he was the only one who was genuine to Hannah and wasn’t just hanging out with her for his own benefit. Hannah told him to fuck off and he did. She had no reason to get upset for he only did what she stated she wanted. What people tend to do sometimes is they don’t necessarily say what they really mean but still expect you to know what they want. It is stupid and causes problems, which is why I am probably the most honest person you will ever meet.

I understand it is obviously a fictional story but I believe the ending was unrealistic. If a person is truly suicidal I think their parents or teachers or counsellors would have worked it out. I don’t believe you stroll along all happy and out of nowhere end up in a bathtub full of your blood. I think it is a state you gradually put yourself into and if anyone cared even a tiny bit they would have worked out and at least tried to prevent what Hannah did. The counsellor wasn’t asking the right questions and the ones he was asking were very vague.

It is also very difficult to admit when you have been raped or sexually assaulted. I believe someone has been raped or sexually assaulted if they didn’t say yes. It doesn’t matter that she didn’t say no for she never said yes either. I don’t think the counsellor in real life would have been almost blaming her for getting raped.

Besides that, it was a good show to watch and I believe it will make people more aware of suicide and possibly preventing it. The show also tried to suggest that being kinder to people will prevent suicide, however, I disagree. I could be the nicest person to someone if they have it in their head that they want to slit their wrists it doesn’t matter what I say, for they shall do it regardless.

Why Do We Do This?

Why Do We Do This?

After living for nineteen years you see a lot of behaviours that people do that make no sense.

Imagine this scenario, you are out for dinner and you order your food. You wait for your food and start eating. However, you can’t even manage to swallow the first mouth full because it is cold. It isn’t lukewarm and could probably go unnoticed, it is stone cold.   Funnily enough I didn’t realise I had to mention to the waitress that I wanted my chicken burger hot.

The waiter or waitress comes back and asks you how your food is doing. Now, the majority of the UK will do the usual; say it is fine when in reality it could not be any more further away from being fine.

However, if you’ve ever had a meal with my dad; you’ll end up having it sent back three times and still get the meal for free. The only reason he does that is because he’s Scottish. Whilst English people are taught to be polite, Scottish people are taught not to give a fuck.

You are going to have to pay either way, why not pay for something you can at least appreciate?

Most of us, live our lives wanting to avoid confrontational events or arguments with strangers, especially when it is subjective. In this situation, it is your word against the employee on whether the food is cold. Most of time they will just get you a new meal to avoid any problems with their manager.

You could even be eating a salad made of shit and still say everything is fine. It is why a lot of people tend to order the same meals when they visit a restaurant more than once. They know they will enjoy the meal and there won’t be any need to cause any problems.

For those who have read previous blog posts or know me personally, you’ll know I tend to be quite honest. However, my honesty can make me come across as someone who is quite rude but I still have a filter like everyone else and I don’t say unnecessary things that are going to hurt people. I tend to say how it is, and in today’s society, that can offend a lot of people. Even if it isn’t directed at them.

I’ve been determined to be honest in a world full of liars.

 

So Judge, What Makes Me Vulnerable?

So Judge, What Makes Me Vulnerable?

For those of you who haven’t heard, yet another aggressive man gets away with domestic violence towards his wife because of bullshit reasons. Mustafa Bashir beat his wife, Fakhara Karim, with a bat during a jealous outburst and on a second occasion poured bleach down her throat. But none of that matters apparently because he got away with it. Judge Mansell believed that he wouldn’t be given jail time because she was not vulnerable.

What makes things so much worse is the reason he gives for the wife not being vulnerable. Apparently, being intelligent and having a network of friends makes someone not vulnerable.

I thought this was obvious but I shall point it out anyway, biologically men are built different to women and do tend to be a lot stronger physically. Now, this isn’t me being sexist. This is fact, men are stronger physically than women. Therefore, it doesn’t matter how smart or popular a woman is, if a man is pouring bleach down her throat there isn’t a lot she can do. Even if you were as smart as fucking Einstein, you’re still pretty much screwed.

And people wonder why there are so many domestic violence stories that never get told about. The victims are probably scared of being told that it was their fault. Every time someone gets away with crimes involving sexual or physical abuse to another person for stupid reasons, people are less likely to confide in anyone when it happens to them. Next thing you know the judge says that her clothing was giving the impression she was asking for bleach to be poured down her throat.

This case is giving out quite a dangerous message. First, it is suggesting that if someone is intelligent and has friends, they can’t ever be sexually or physically abused. Whether or not a person has friends or intelligence doesn’t make a difference. If someone is put in a situation where they can’t escape and there is a possibility of being harmed, either physically or emotionally, then that person is vulnerable. This case will also make it hard for victims in the future as they will feel that the authorities won’t believe them.

There are still some myths about domestic violence that people believe. It isn’t a certain gender or race that is targeted; it can happen to anyone. It also doesn’t matter what social class or how much money a family has, again it can happen to anyone. I promise you this, if something like this has happened to you it isn’t your fault. It doesn’t matter whether you have friends, are smart or are wearing bright pink hot pants; it is never your fault.

 

Stand Up and Take Responsibility For What Is Yours

Stand Up and Take Responsibility For What Is Yours

Now before I begin writing this piece, I will admit that I am no expert in psychology and neither have I had any experience with what I am about to write about. This is purely opinion that I hope more than just me agrees with it.

If you create a child and put them into this world, I think you need to take some responsibility. Whether you are the mum or the dad I believe both play a vital role in a child’s development, both mentally and physically.

I’m not talking about giving child support money to your partner after you leave, I’m talking about physically being there for your child.

I’m also not talking about someone dying from an unexpected and unavoidable situation. I’m talking about someone who is capable of looking after their child and chooses to get up and leave.

I am fortunate enough to have never been without both my parents the whole of my life, so I don’t know whether I am making more of a fuss than is needed. It is also dependent on various factors, such as the age of the child, whether the child even met the parent, if the child had siblings and so on. For example, if the child never even met the parent then they wouldn’t know what they were missing and therefore the situation would possibly affect them less.

Another thing, which I know is a sensitive topic among a lot of people, is whether the mum has a more important role in a child’s life than a dad. Now I’m not saying if a child’s dad left them for whatever reason the child wouldn’t be upset. They would. What I’m saying is that the child may be affected more socially and emotionally by a mum leaving. No matter how unmaternal a mother is, after giving birth a mum and her child will create this bond which I don’t think you can have with your dad. Mums tend to be more inclined to stay and care for their new-born because of this bond. Which is why it is rare to see a mum leave her children, however it still happens.

Whilst I know this would never happen and I wouldn’t even know how they would test it, I think there should be a test for new parents before they have children to make sure they are ready for the commitment and responsibility. There are people out there dying to have children who can’t. Then there are people who have children but treat them as if they wish they hadn’t.

I have no experience in having children and probably never will. Surprisingly I am a very maternal person and I absolutely love children. When they’re behaving. Unfortunately, I am impatient and have a short temper. But at least I am being honest with myself, I don’t think I could have children.

The few people I know who have had a parent leave them may seem fine but I think it affects them more than they are willing to show. It is not necessarily obvious, but it is little things I’ve noticed that they do differently to the majority of people. Who knows, maybe the things I am noticing are genetic and so whether the parent left them or not they would have been the same.

Those who don’t have a mother on Mother’s Day or a father on Father’s Day because they left you, my thoughts are with you on those days. Like I said before I am quite maternal and things like this infuriate me so much.

We Live. We Die. What Is The Point?

We Live. We Die. What Is The Point?

As most of us have probably worked out by now, death is going to happen no matter what we do. So why do we bother, if we are all going to die in the end anyway?

Think about it in terms of chocolate. If you had unlimited chocolate, how would you feel? I’m sure the first few bites would be the best feelings in the world. But the more you eat the more uncomfortable it gets.

Say if we were immortal, it would probably be great for the first couple hundred years and then you’ll start questioning everything. What is the point in living forever? Once you have achieved everything you wanted to, what is the point in continuing to live?

Whilst in education I developed the mind-set of that we spend all our lives in school to then work ourselves to death. Not to mention those who grow up to have a family and you’re then made to deal with their shit too.

We have no purpose but we have no density either. This means you can do absolutely anything with the time you have been given.

Back to the chocolate analogy, there is no purpose in eating the chocolate. Apart from enjoyment. However, this is a subjective purpose. So I may enjoy eating the chocolate and you may enjoy eating the chocolate but in different ways.

Another way of thinking is with all the technology in the world no phone, laptop or computer lasts forever. However when you brought your phone you were probably aware that it wasn’t going to last forever and at one point it would die on you.

So if it is not going to last forever, why waste your money buying it? You got it in the moment and during the time you were using the device, it would be working at its full potential. There is no point keeping a machine that no longer works the way it used to.

That’s how life works. Nothing lasts forever, including us.

One thing to bear in mind is that once we do die, we pass out of existence. Therefore there is no objective meaning to anyone’s life. So whether you turn out to be like Hitler or Mother Teresa, once you are dead no one can hold you accountable.

A Day in the Life of an Anxious Person at Work

A Day in the Life of an Anxious Person at Work

First of all you wake up before alarm really needing the toilet.

You spend a bit of time wondering whether you can hold it and go back to sleep or whether you need to get up.

You check the time on your phone and you’re scared the light coming from your screen will wake you up properly so you can’t fall back asleep.

You see it’s 5.30 in the morning so you decide to empty your bladder.

Unfortunately you don’t properly fall back asleep as you’re scared you’ll oversleep. You spend the next few hours thinking of all you have to do today.

Finally your alarm goes off so you get up slightly tired after already being up for 3 hours.

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You feel nauseous and don’t feel like eating much but you know if you don’t you will end up feeling faint at work.

You end up spending a bit of time deciding what the worst scenario would be and decide to eat a small bowl of cereal.

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You get a text from your manager saying he’s not feeling very well and will not be in for work but the new guy will be working with you instead.

Not only have you never worked with them but you don’t even know what they look like. They also have the keys to the store so you have to wait outside the store waiting for Mr Unknown.

Whilst standing outside the store you are worried that people are judging you as either being an eager customer or a generally lost individual.

Because it is the new guy you are working with not only do you have to remember how to do your job, you also have to babysit someone else.

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He finally arrives and you’re worried he’s going to judge you for the fact you look 15, or the fact you have short hair or anything else for that matter.

You’re wondering whether your breath still stinks of the coffee you had before you left the house.

You continue to talk whilst there are no customers in store. You worry for making a fool out of yourself as a first impression. You’re scared you’ll be too open.

Or not open enough.

You’re scared that you’re going to talk too much and not let anyone else talk.

You drink quite a bit of water and have a small bladder. You’re scared your colleague is going to think you pee too much.

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You’re worried that he’s going to think you eat too much.

You consistently look at your phone for texts, emails, unopened notifications; it irritates you having them open on your phone.

You’re worried it will look like you spend too much time on your phone.

You’re scared you’ll mention your boyfriend too much in the conversation.

You spend the day hoping no customers want you to call their networks or insurance companies. You also hope no errors come up on the system otherwise you have to call IT; you never understand what they are saying.

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You generally hope you don’t have to call or answer to any strangers on the phone.

Everyone keeps showing on social media how they are getting their degrees at university and you’re stuck at home, with your parents.

Instead of going out to have a drink after work like what some people do, you decide to take the half empty bottle of Absolute vodka and make yourself some homemade double vodka and cokes.

Your boyfriend works night shifts so you try to stay up for when he finishes.

You worry about him this tends to keep you up till you know he’s save at home. If he finishes really late you fall asleep before then but are then up super early to check for any texts from the night before.

Then you sleep as much as you can till the next day.

Grace x

 

 

 

FoMO: A Contemporary Anxiety

FoMO: A Contemporary Anxiety

FoMO, also known as Fear of Missing out, is anxiety that an exciting or interesting event may currently be happening elsewhere, often aroused by posts seen on a social media website.

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It’s the fear that other people are having more exciting and more rewarding experiences than you whilst you’re home alone watching rom coms. We’ve all experienced it at some point – suddenly you look on Facebook and all your high school mates are ‘reunited’ without you. Maybe they forgot about you, maybe they thought you had a brilliant social life and so would assume you’re busy. Yeah, you wish.

It’s a modern day obsessed with communication syndrome. It has only become apparent in the last couple of years as before websites such as Twitter or Facebook, you didn’t feel the need to tell everyone what you were doing. Now you haven’t had fun if the pictures aren’t plastered over Facebook. Nowadays people feel obliged to let everyone know they have a social life.

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I work in a phone shop and the other day a woman came in asking how she checks into places on Facebook. Like when people put up status’ saying “Out having lunch with my girl in Nandos”. The said woman thought it worked automatically and was wondering why Facebook wasn’t immediately telling everyone where she was. She said “That’s a pain, I like people knowing that I have a social life”. I felt like telling this woman that no one cared about her social life, unfortunately that kind of goes against the rule of retail.

Why do we care so much about other people acknowledging what we are doing? This wouldn’t have happened in times before texts, calls and social media. You wouldn’t send a letter telling someone you were getting “absolutely hammered” at some party would you?

The thing is, after a few days have passed it doesn’t matter. A week has gone by and no one cares that you kissed some girl at that party, it was great at the time but the people who weren’t there don’t really care about the event. It’s liked being told a funny story. Sometimes you really do just have to be there.

The problem with FoMO is that it doesn’t matter how busy, ill or tired you are. If you’re invited to a party or gathering you feel obliged to go. The real advice here would be, stop living your lives for the sake of other people’s perceptions. We won’t recollect our lives from the pictures tagged on Facebook, more important will be the memories and emotions that we gain along the way and truly cherish.

Grace x